I went out with some friends last night. Everyone except me was single and the conversation was about how now that I am married, I must set up everypne else's wedding. I get that a lot, "meri shaadi karwa de yaar". The thing is, I'm already doing it. I've set up footloose no more, where you can meet single people and see where life takes you. And this is something that didn't exist in India until Abhishek and I, out of desperation to meet singles started it. But that's an oft repeated story.
The point of my rambling this time is, no one can fix your marriage. We can create the platform, but marriage, relationships, that's stuff you have to do yourself. And the reason is simple...when I was single and my friends introduced me to a man and I found fault with him (I kind of specialize in that), they wondered what the hell I wanted. They were decent people, doing well and looked like all Indian men do (read pot bellied, often unfit and normal). There was nothing wrong with them. My friends eventually gave up! And I had to find a solution myself.
Even after Footloose, where I met an average of 50 new men every month, I was single. I always had an excuse. "He's too fat". "He's too boring". "He thinks he's too clever." "I'm not attracted to him." And often just plain..."eeek! Him! Never." If truth be told, there was nothing wrong with them Some of them are in happy relationships with perfectly nice girls and now I wonder what was wrong with me?
And therein lies the truth! Something was wrong with me! I met lovely men and ran away (I got labelled snobbish and difficult). It finally dawned on me! I was commitment phobic. I wanted a relationship, but was afraid of giving it a shot. And that's what ensured I was single! I did my best to find fault with everyone. I thought I was too cool and so naturally there was no one for me! I expected to hear bells, following which I would act cool and then run, hoping the man would chase me to kingdom come and then I'd run some more. What really happened was, the men lost interst.
And I see it happening around me now. Everyone is meeting fabulous people, going on to be friends and having a great bonding experience. But commitment? That's being saved for that special someone when violins will play! And I wonder, what is it that everyne is expecting. If, out of over 2500 men and women, we are not finding someone we would like to spend a bit of time with, then perhps, it's time to look inwards. Because, dear people looking for relationships, all of them cannot possibly be bad!
As for holy matrimony, are you even ready for it?
The point of my rambling this time is, no one can fix your marriage. We can create the platform, but marriage, relationships, that's stuff you have to do yourself. And the reason is simple...when I was single and my friends introduced me to a man and I found fault with him (I kind of specialize in that), they wondered what the hell I wanted. They were decent people, doing well and looked like all Indian men do (read pot bellied, often unfit and normal). There was nothing wrong with them. My friends eventually gave up! And I had to find a solution myself.
Even after Footloose, where I met an average of 50 new men every month, I was single. I always had an excuse. "He's too fat". "He's too boring". "He thinks he's too clever." "I'm not attracted to him." And often just plain..."eeek! Him! Never." If truth be told, there was nothing wrong with them Some of them are in happy relationships with perfectly nice girls and now I wonder what was wrong with me?
And therein lies the truth! Something was wrong with me! I met lovely men and ran away (I got labelled snobbish and difficult). It finally dawned on me! I was commitment phobic. I wanted a relationship, but was afraid of giving it a shot. And that's what ensured I was single! I did my best to find fault with everyone. I thought I was too cool and so naturally there was no one for me! I expected to hear bells, following which I would act cool and then run, hoping the man would chase me to kingdom come and then I'd run some more. What really happened was, the men lost interst.
And I see it happening around me now. Everyone is meeting fabulous people, going on to be friends and having a great bonding experience. But commitment? That's being saved for that special someone when violins will play! And I wonder, what is it that everyne is expecting. If, out of over 2500 men and women, we are not finding someone we would like to spend a bit of time with, then perhps, it's time to look inwards. Because, dear people looking for relationships, all of them cannot possibly be bad!
As for holy matrimony, are you even ready for it?
It took you so many moons and many (de-rejected)men to get to agree to be with one. Give us homo-sapiens some time, we'll figure eventually ;)
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